Ripped in 30

So lets begin with a very random story. When I was in high school and texting had just started to become popular our phones had a typing function called t9 (do you know what I am talking about?)It was the auto correct before auto correct...ya you know! Anyhow, regardless of how many times I actually spelled out the word pissed t9 always assumed I was trying to say ripped.FRUSTRATING. So finally my friends and I just decided we would start using the word ripped in normal conversation when we were talking about being pissed. Yes, we were that cool. Ok now onto the reason I am sharing this crazy story about my past. Well, I just started Jillian's ripped in 30. Yes Jillian and I are on a first name basis, yes I have a love/hate relationship with that bitch, but at the end of the day she is the only one who is going to tell me how it is. Ok....back to ripped in 30. I did day 1 today and all I could think about was how I this video made me ripped (t9 for pissed) Yes, and you could only imagine how fitting it is that I use ripped and pissed interchangeably. So here I am lifting weights and I am 'ripped' that I don't look as fit as these bitches on the video, 'ripped' that they are SMILING while working out, 'ripped' that I had let myself go, 'ripped' that I haven't pushed myself harder, 'ripped' that my husband cut beer from his diet and literally lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, I was just straight up 'ripped' y'all.
It is clearly fitting that I had this realization while doing Jillian, because lets be honest we have had several falling outs including me throwing a fit because she pushes me hard and then it always ends with me crawling back because seriously No More Trouble Zones makes me feel ridiculously sore and fabulous all at the same time. So today, I had a new realization, I need to push myself like I feel Jill pushes me. Because I can only do what I believe I can do. Up until recently I didn't have much faith in what I could do...I didn't push myself because I couldn't do it! Well, today after Jillian royally 'ripped' me off I decided to go 'jogging' to cool down and burn some extra cals. I was planning on running a mile...once I got close to my turn around spot I had some Mama Laughlin inspiration in my head and realized nothing hurt and I wasn't really all that tired so I pushed myself farther, every mile mark I came to I just reminded myself that I really was not in pain, so I pushed on. Finally, I knew I needed to work tonight so I decided to head home. As I rounded the corner to my house I was feeling extremely accomplished. I knew I had run far. When I pulled out my phone and stopped my run I just about shit myself...8 miles. I ran 8 miles! I have never ran farther than 5 miles because I always think I can't do it. Well ladies, I did it. And I am no longer 'ripped' because I realize it was my lack of motivation and drive that has held me back. My body is an amazing thing. I may not love how it looks but dammit this body carried my fat ass 8 miles.

Moral of the story, it took me getting ridiculously pissed, jealous, and depressed to push myself to the limit. Everyone says there will be a moment when something clicks for you and your weightless. I hadn't really felt a click yet, don't get me wrong I have been working out and watching what I eat but I feel like I have just been going through the motions. Today I realized I can do WHATEVER i set my mind to. Then I saw this tank from Abundant Apparel...I may HAVE to HAVE it!

Fitness. Weight loss. Accountability.

Here I am starting  attempting a fitness blog. I have found SO much motivation from other fitness bloggers and if anything I hope that putting it ALL out there will force me to not only hold myself more accountable but allow me to be even further motivated. So here goes nothing...I have secretly been taking photos of myself and keeping track of my weigh ins through out the past six months. I still am absolutely terrified...lets be honest...embarrassed to admit how far down into the spirally pit of fat girl hell I actually fell into. I remember waking up and getting dressed only to find my favorite pair of jeans had SHRUNK. Yes, I cursed out my boyfriend (now husband) for shrinking all of my clothes, and he never once argued with me about it. He never once told me that my clothes were fine and it was my fat ass that just didn't fit into them anymore. At this time in my life I was a struggling college student living on red bull, pizza rolls and frozen burritos. I did not own a scale. I did not even care to think about my weight. I was young and in shape and it never crossed my mind that late night studying and a box of strawberry shortcake rolls were slowly turning my body into something I wouldn't even recognize. It took about 18 months for me to realize the monster that had become my body. Because of things like yoga pants and sweatshirts I didn't 'notice' that I was bigger. In this 18 month period I gained around 35 pounds.How did I go on without noticing this? Well apparently my head was in my ass! I finally realized one day when my best friend posted a picture of us on Facebook from a football game and I swear I didn't even recognize myself. I COULD NOT understand how I had gotten so big. This realization did not turn my life around. Nor did 15 other realizations I had. They just influenced my yo-yo dieting. Yo-yo dieting fueled disappointment, which lead to depression, which lead to food and so the cycle continued. Here I am today slowly losing weight the right way (finally!) I work out to burn calories, tone my body and build muscle. I also eat as natural as possible cutting out almost all processed foods, sugars and gluten. In the last 7 months I have lost 17 pounds. And although the scale sometimes goes up by 1 or 2 pounds I have never reverted back to my fat girl ways. Now don't get me wrong, I indulge in a cheeseburger or pizza every now and then, but the way I feel about myself now is worth so much more than blowing it all on a greasy treat. Weekly photo for the last week of March...

(Don't you worry you sweet little self...I will might share some photos from when I was at my heaviest...its crazy what a difference 17 pounds can do.